Information For Au pairs:

Getting to know your Host family and their children:

Each family has its own little complete world. Welcoming a new person into that world requires adjustment from everyone. Each family has its own unwritten rule that governs their daily lives, some of which seem obvious to the family members that they do not even recognize their existence. Host families were asked to try to identify such things for you, but you may have to discover them together. Your family may not have foreseen some of the adjustments necessary to hosting an exchange participant and may not even realize that you need help in adjusting to their family life. For example, the children may not like having someone new come into the family, disturbing the routines they have negotiated with their parents. Most of the time children are incredibly conservative. They do not like change and do not know how to fight change except by behaving badly. The family probably does not expect this, but it often happens. You will have to go through this initial adjustment period together with your Host family about the limits they set for their children. The child needs to know that you understand that he/she is unhappy, but that there are limits to behaviour that can be accepted. For example if the child screams and refuses to eat, don’t worry too much, missing a meal harms no child. If a child throws food on the floor, best thing to do is calmly decide that this is where lunch went today instead of in the stomach. If the child gets hungry later and asks for food, it may be worthwhile to be understanding and make a special meal that day. The most common reaction children have to adding a new member to their house hold is to start clinging to their mother or father, crying and whining much more than they normally would. The child might hide and pull away from you, not allowing you to touch and/or feed him/her. BE PATIENT.

Keep showing the child you are ready for contact whenever the time is right. It is likely that the family will be as surprised as you are at the child’s sudden change of behaviour. They may also be embarrassed. You may need to reassure the family that you understand it is normal and healthy for a child to react to change. Perhaps all of you together will have to figure a way through this painful period until the child is used to you and trusts you. The worst things you can do are considering this behaviour normal and decide that you do not like the child. If you decide that the bad behaviour is just protest. You can work from there to gain the child’s trust. Enjoy the children and remember to tell the parents all the little wonderful things they do. Parents love to hear good things about their children. Talk to your host parents; do not be afraid to ask questions. If you feel there are misunderstandings, it is to your own advantage to try to work things out with tolerance and diplomacy. If you are positive and patient, almost all misunderstandings can be straightened out without bad feelings.

The Adjustment Period:

Throughout your program year it will be important to keep in mind that your host family has chosen to take into their home as a member of their family for an entire year primarily because they need help caring for their children. They will try to make you as comfortable as possible, but you must remember that you are not a guest. The very first thing you must ask yourself is what you can do. Most importantly, you must realize it is your responsibility to adjust to your host family’s way of doing things and not the contrary. Your attitude will determine the success of your exchange year. Here are some words and concepts to keep in mind.

Settling In:

The first 60 days of the year are considered a settling in period, a time when a lot of adjustment period is a time during which the au pair and host family must work to resolve problems together and, if necessary, with help from US. Successful relationships between people include willingness to be open with each other and discuss things that might be causing a problem. Don’t let little problems turn into big ones. Sit down with your host family and discuss your feelings. COMMUNICATE! We have suggested to the host families to set aside a regular time each week for talking. This gives everyone the opportunity to say things, good, and bad without wondering how to address them. If your host family becomes angry and tells you why, it is not a reason to think that they do not like you. Perhaps you can even recall hearing angry words from your own family on occasion. This is also a good time to discuss weekly schedules. Remember that your host family wants this year to be successful as much as you do. If you have a question, concerning the children or at home, talk about it. Nobody will be mad at you because there is a problem. The problem may not be anybody’s fault, just a matter of miscommunication or misunderstanding. Don’t feel the need to accept all kinds of behaviour from the children, but be sure to let your host family know about the situation in a constructive manner. If you get the feeling that the host family has misunderstood something you said, keep talking and try to explain in different way until you are able to make yourself understood.

Au Pair Responsibility:

An au pair’s main responsibility is to help the host family care for their children. Ask your host parents to make a schedule for you so you will know what you are expected to do and when you will be free. Use the weekly meeting with your host family to discuss the schedule for the upcoming week and any changes in the routine. Your main duties will include looking after, feeding, bathing, playing with the children, being home while the children take a nap or if a parent is not home, bring the children to school, prepare meals for the kids, looking after the children’s toys, books and other belongings, making the children’s beds or helping kids make their bed, tidying up, doing some light house work, ironing and laundry. It may sound a lot but these are the usual household chores you will find even in your own family. You will be expected to do your share of house hold chores and assist with light housework, your responsibilities do not include heavy work e.g. gardening, mowing the lawn, washing windows, moving cupboards and couches to clean under them. You will not be asked to run an entire household in the absence of the host parents; however, you may occasionally be responsible for the children overnight. When you live with a family, it may be hard to measure exactly how many hours you work. You may think that if you have breakfast with the family, it is work, but the family might not think that way. It is to your own advantage to be generous. If you start by measuring minutes the host family will do the same. We always recommend you to discuss with the host family what you see and what they see as working hours. If you are regularly required to provide childcare for more than ……hours per week, you should talk about the schedule of your host family.

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